Just Good Shit: 05.24.20

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Today’s New York Times lists the names of 1,000 people who have died from COVID-19 in the United States — a small fraction of the 100,000 known deaths in the U.S. as of now. I don’t know how anyone can look at these people’s names and the tiny snippets of their lives — ā€œfounded a food pantryā€ ā€œknown as ā€˜the fashionista’ in her nursing homeā€ ā€œthought it was important to know a person’s life storyā€ ā€œBroadway costume designerā€ ā€œworked mostly factory jobs to support his familyā€ ā€œan exuberant laughā€ — and think that the threats of coronavirus are exaggerated, or believe that the country is ready to ā€œreopen,ā€ or say that these 100,000+ lives didn’t matter. Of course they mattered. They were people. They they had families and friends and nicknames and talents and inside jokes and memories and now they are gone.

It’s all so sad, so shameful, and I feel so angry reading this less than hour after watching a group of four semi-masked people get out of a car and walk, giggling, up to a neighbor’s door while carrying three bulging Whole Foods bags, a large bowl covered in plastic wrap, and a big box labeled ā€œAngus beef pattiesā€ that took two hands to carry. It’s utterly astonishing to me that so many people have died — and are still dying!!! — and so many of other people simply….decided the rules must be different now, because they are just…tired of living like this??? Like, we’re all tired of living like this. The answer is still no.

Here’s what else I had going on this week…

Writing

My shit, elsewhere

I had a really nice conversation with Shereen Marisol Meraji for NPR’s Life Kit, which aired in two parts this week: An Illustrated Guide To Showing Up For Yourself and What To Say When A Friend Is Struggling. I also participated in a Reddit AMA with some other recent Life Kit guests.

And I’m really excited that Girls’ Night In selected The Art of Showing Up as their June book club read! I’ll be doing a virtual event with GNI and Politics & Prose on June 19; you can RSVP here.

Reading

How to Have a Safer Pandemic Memorial Day, The New York Times.
I’m sharing this not because I think you should gather for Memorial Day (or…for any other reason right now), but because I think it’s helpful to see how high the burden of lowering the risk when gathering is.

ā€˜I Really Need to Go Home’: The Cruise Ship Employees Still Stuck at Sea, VICE.

11 Tips for Getting the Most Out of Therapy Right Now, SELF.

Stewed Awakening, Eater.

Cooking Your Way Through the Pandemic, The Atlantic.

The best $19.98 I ever spent: A seatbelt extender, The Goods / Vox.

Lana Del Rey Could Have Left This One in the Drafts, Jezebel.

I'm running out of patience when we need patience the most, Ask a Manager.

How to Have a Fun Conversation Again, The New York Times.
Loved this.

Cooking

My windowsill scallions grew very tall very quickly! Thrilling. I used them to make a half portion of this scallion butter, which we put on top of the cornbread we had with taco soup. Now I’m currently midway through the process of making this homemade pizza, which is coming along nicely. And I can’t remember if I shared the NYT Cooking Cheesy White Bean-Tomato Bake when I first made it, but it’s great — low-fuss and delicious, a great lunch recipe for lovers of chickpea pasta.

Have a good Sunday night. šŸ’›

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Just Good Shit: 05.17.20

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A lot happened this week! The Art of Showing Up came out on Tuesday, and I celebrated with a teeny tiny ā€œbook partyā€ (slices of Milkbar cake that my girlfriend had delivered as a surprise + a bottle of champagne that my former BuzzFeed team/now friends sent). It was a lovely, special day — a little bit of joy in this otherwise weird and dark time.

On Friday, VICE did a big round of layoffs without warning. I wasn’t laid off, but a lot of my extremely talented colleagues were, and it sucked. It was just a really sad day all around, and even though I was lucky, I don’t feel good about any of it, you know?

On a brighter note, thank you to everyone who pre-ordered Showing Up, and to those who posted about it on social media or told friends about it! I am so grateful and flattered, and seeing my book in other people’s hands/homes will never get old for me.

Here’s what else I had going on this week…

My shit, elsewhere

Alison at Ask a Manager ran an excerpt from Showing Up about venting responsibly, and my episode of the Food Heaven podcast aired this week! (We recorded it a while ago.)

Reading

The Un-Heroic Reality of Being an ā€˜Essential’ Restaurant Worker, Eater.

Inside the Book Industry's Battle to Stay Afloat During the COVID-19 Crisis, Esquire.

Adele Isn’t Discussing Her Weight So Why Are We?, SELF.

Janny's Delivery Service, VICE.

Regrow Scallions in a Cup of Water, Lifehacker.

Currently doing this……feeling like a botanist witch genius.

All Hail the Squirtarita, Quarantine’s Perfect Cocktail, Eater.

This Unhinged Story About Friends in Quarantine Is Just Such a Treat, Cosmo.
I laughed out loud a lot at this pitch-perfect Hey, Ladies! reunion.

Watching & listening to

We’ve been watching The Last Dance on ESPN and really enjoying it. Also very into the Jessica Simpson episodes of You’re Wrong About.

Have a good Sunday night! ā˜€ļø

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'The Art of Showing Up' is officially here!

Photo of The Art of Showing Up book on a light wood table, next to a cup of coffee

Today is my book’s birthday! The Art of Showing Up is now officially available in print, e-book, and audiobook format in the U.S. I’m really proud and excited (and also nervous, as I always am when I publish something big). You can buy the book from any of these retailers:

Bookshop

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Books-a-Million

Indigo

IndieBound

Powell’s

Workman

Books Are Magic

McNally Jackson

You can also read some early praise for the book here.

Marketing a book during a pandemic is very strange, and no one in the publishing industry really knows what to expect in terms of sales. I really appreciate any and all support right now; here are some things that would be helpful/are very welcome, if you’re so inclined: 

  1. Buying the book (or gifting it to someone else) 

  2. Posting about the book and/or other work of mine that you've liked in the past on social media

  3. Reading the book with friends or a book club (email me if you’re interested in having me pop into your virtual book club!)

  4. Just telling friends/family/colleagues about the book

  5. Rating/reviewing The Art of Showing Up on Goodreads and the website of your book retailer of choice

Simply sending good vibes is also very welcome!

Finally, THANK YOU for reading my blog/newsletter/work, especially those of you who have stuck with me for a while now; I don’t take it for granted, and I really, really appreciate the support, generosity, and good cheer. šŸ“”āœØ

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Some nice things people have said about 'The Art of Showing Up'

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The Art of Showing Up is officially here! I’m really grateful for and proud of the nice reviews I’ve received so far, and I wanted to share some of those comments here.

Here are some blurbs from other authors:

ā€œMiller has penned a fresh, wise, practical, modern guide for figuring out how to be true to yourself while also meaningfully connected to others. An important contribution to the larger, complicated project of solving loneliness.ā€ —Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering

ā€œRachel’s advice is smart, straightforward, and empathetic. The Art of Showing Up offers a roadmap to becoming a better friend and happier person. Read this book!ā€ —Alison Green, author of Ask a Manager

ā€œThis is an incredibly practical book full of easy, yet meaningful, ways to develop more friendship and love in your life. Through steps that anyone can do, Rachel helps us find the support that we all crave in our lives and leaves us feeling ever more hopeful!ā€ —Shasta Nelson, author of Frientimacy

ā€œRachel Wilkerson Miller has given us a toolbox for strengthening our relationships with one another and with ourselves. This book is the resource that twenty-, thirty-, and fortysomethings were missing—and that we didn’t know we absolutely needed.ā€ —Caroline Moss, coauthor of Hey Ladies! and host of Gee Thanks, Just Bought It!

Some snippets from early reviews:

ā€œVERDICT: Excellent tips for forging relationships with others and becoming an even better ā€˜old’ friend.ā€ —From a starred review in Library Journal

ā€œMiller (Dot Journaling), deputy editor of Vice’s Life vertical, provides digital natives an easy, entertaining guide to adult friendships. … Miller starts each section with brief general principles, then relies heavily on lists and action steps, which will make for easy reference and perusal, and her charismatic voice will appeal to any reader of self-help. Those looking for help braving the social unknown will want to take a look.ā€ —From the Publisher’s Weekly review

And some quotes from folks who got advance copies via NetGalley: 

ā€œThis book is exactly what it proclaims to be, a dissection of how to show up for yourself and others. It does not simply muse on self-care and proffer face masks and baths and journalling. It offers a discussion of all the ways in which we can show up and gives exercises, very specific advice (i.e. sample dialogues, how to approach very specific situations, ways to practice new tasks) and truly meets you where you are. If you are someone who has a lot of skills here or someone with absolutely none, someone with mental health issues or none at all, there is something here for you. … I read a lot of these books and many I don’t give a second thought to (often don’t offer anything ā€˜new’ to this over-thinker, happy self-analyzer, personality-test aficionado). But this book truly does.ā€ —Christina S.

ā€œI felt like this one was written just for me! I’ve been not showing up for a good part of my life for neither myself or friends and family. I’ve managed to focus my energy on my kids without looking inward or outward for anything. … I felt like this one was written just for me! I’ve been not showing up for a good part of my life for neither myself or friends and family. I’ve managed to focus my energy on my kids without looking inward or outward for anything.ā€ —Elizabeth M.

I’m fully beaming! ✨✨✨

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Just Good Shit: 05.10.20

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Hi, folks! Here’s what’s new around here…

Writing

Reading

ā€˜I apologize to God for feeling this way.’, The Washington Post.
This is excellent — a must-read.

3 Hospital Workers Gave Out Masks. Weeks Later, They All Were Dead., The New York Times.

Yes, You Should Wear a Mask When You Run. (Yup, Including You), SELF.

With Her New Shop, the Racist Backlash to Marie Kondo Continues, VICE.
Older, but worth it if you haven’t read it yet.

How This Matching Sweatsuit Became The Unofficial Uniform Of Quarantine, Refinery29.
I have heard bad things about how Entireworld sweatsuits look IRL, but I am very here for a monochromatic sweatsuit.

The best $42 I ever spent: A single ball of yarn, The Goods / Vox.

P.S. The Art of Showing Up will officially be out on Tuesday!

Have a good Sunday night! šŸ’

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Just Good Shit: 05.03.20

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Hi! Here’s what I had going on this week…

Writing

And I edited the always wonderful Captain Awkward on How to Get Through Isolation With Your Family When They Are a Bit Much.

Reading

Seattle’s Leaders Let Scientists Take the Lead. New York’s Did Not, New Yorker.

Friends Are Breaking Up Over Social Distancing, The Atlantic.

Nannies Tell the Truth About Working During the Coronavirus, The Cut.

Two Errors Our Minds Make When Trying to Grasp the Pandemic, The Atlantic.

The Clean Queen Talks Quarantine, The New York Times.
Got a nice shoutout in this article about Home Comforts!

Eve Ewing on the deal with Bookshop.

Negroni Season, The Awl.

My Husband Won’t Pick Up His Toenail Clippings, so I Put Them in His Coffee, Slate.

Cooking

We’ve been roasting potatoes, using a combination of this NYT Cooking recipe and this one from Smitten Kitchen; they are great with eggs, bacon, and veggies, or with roasted vegetables and Aidells sausages. I’m also loving pickled onions on everything (see also: Sauce Theory).

Have a good Sunday night. 🌱

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Just Good Shit: 04.26.20

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Hello again! Here’s what I was up to this week…

On the blog

Writing

Reading

I’m currently reading Legendary Children: The First Decade of Rupaul's Drag Race and the Last Century of Queer Life.

Also:

The Real Reason to Wear a Mask, The Atlantic.

Please Stop Writing 'Why I Left New York' Pandemic Essays, HuffPost.

You’re Not Going Back to Normal Office Life for a Long, Long Time, VICE.

Don't Let Them Come Back From This, Seth Simons.
A good read on the shutdown of Upright Citizens Brigade.

#1265: Lockdown Co-Parenting: Can I Please Get Some Alone Time?, Captain Awkward.

How to cook a simple, flavorful pot of beans and use it throughout the week, Washington Post.

Tracy Clayton’s Twitter thread of good advice from therapists.

Psst by Helen Tseng.
This is a very cool PDF you can download/print/fill out as a way of journaling (or just making shit) right now.

Stay Sane, Stay Safe.
Cool PSAs from artists around the world that you can download or just browse.

A Beginner’s Guide to Bravo.
God bless Terri for making this for me!!!

Watching

This week, I watched Circus of Books on Netflix, which I highly, highly recommend; it’s about a nice Jewish couple who opened a hardcore gay sex shop in the 70s and ran it for 30 years. Every single minute of it is entertaining. I’ve also been watching Mrs. America and Unorthodox, plus the first episode of We’re Here on HBO. And on Saturday night, I built a blanket fort for my girlfriend, where we watched Moonrise Kingdom (because a twee movie felt appropriate from that vantage point). I highly recommend the combo of a very cozy nook and a movie where the visuals make your brain light up.

Have a good Sunday night! šŸŒ™

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ā€˜The Art of Showing Up’ arrives in 16 days!

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We’re rounding the corner on May (!!), which means my new book,The Art of Showing Up, will be available soon. The original publication date was May 26, but back in February, my publisher informed me that the production schedule was changing due to coronavirus; it’s now coming out on May 12, 2020. (If you pre-ordered it, you might have gotten an email that said something to this effect over the weekend.)

You can pre-order The Art of Showing Up via the following retailers:


Amazon

Barnes & Noble
Bookshop

Books-a-Million

Indigo

IndieBound

Powell’s

Workman
Books Are Magic
McNally Jackson

(If you’re a bookseller, librarian, or reviewer, you can request an e-galley on NetGalley. And if you have other questions about getting an advance or want to set up an interview, you can email Jennifer Hergenroeder.)

If you want a sense of what the book is going to be like, here are some things that I think sum up the vibe pretty well (a handful of which actually appear in the book):

As far as I know, the UK edition is coming out on June 25 as originally planned. There’s also an audiobook, which I was scheduled to read at the end of March; I wasn’t comfortable traveling to or recording in studio at that point, so they went with a different narrator, which was totally fine. (The production company assured me that most professional narrators have their own at-home recording set-up, meaning they would be able to record remotely in a way that I simply couldn’t.)


Events are sort of up in the air at this point; I was originally supposed to do some in NYC and Chicago and maybe D.C., but that’s not happening now, and I’m waiting to hear whether they’ll be moved online. I’d also love to figure out a way to join in any book clubs that read The Art of Showing Up/meet virtually in June or July. Right now, I’d say that, schedule permitting, I’m totally down to call in for the last 20 or so minutes of any gathering of four people or more, and I’ll just kind of handle this on a first-come, first-serve basis for as long as I can manage it. (Email me if you’re interested!)

Promoting a new book right now is uhhhhh….pretty weird, and I don’t know exactly what the market is going to be like in May and beyond. I really appreciate pre-orders (a great way to support authors you like!), reviews on Goodreads (or wherever you bought it), and, if you enjoy the book, just sharing that information with your social network, friends, etc. The main thing I want is for this book to reach the people who would enjoy it/connect with it. ✨

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If you can’t handle me at my Crocs, you don’t deserve me at my literally any other shoe

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I am a proud member of Team Take Off Your Shoes at the Door, which means I’m extremely pro house shoes. And the time has come for me to admit that my current house shoes of choice are the highly controversial Crocs. 

I was introduced to Crocs at the age of 19 by my friend Beth. I was visiting her in Chicago and she was wearing a kelly green pair around the city. Her explanation: ā€œFlip-flops are disgusting, especially in a city, but Crocs are great.ā€ This is actually 100% true and correct, but it didn’t take long for me to fall out of love with the hot pink pair I bought. After that, I didn’t really think much about Crocs again.  

But then last fall, I came across some pale blue faux shearling–lined Crocs on Zappos and….……..did not hate them. They looked really cozy and weren’t very expensive, so I decided to go for it. After wearing them indoors for just a few weeks, I knew I had made the right decision, so I asked for a second pair (to wear outside) for Christmas, which my mom ended up giving me.

Feeling quite secure in my Crocs-related life choices, I also recently got two non-lined pairs: the chambray blue classics (I fully intended to buy the mint green and then just like….didn’t??? IDK?) which are for outside, and a pair of pink ā€œfreesailā€ Crocs that are way lower profile/lighter weight for inside.

I did not mean to make a pair of Crocs that looked like my blog; it just sort of happened.

I did not mean to make a pair of Crocs that looked like my blog; it just sort of happened.

Are Crocs ugly? I mean…I don’t think of Crocs as ugly as much as I think of them as being for children. I can’t say that I think Crocs are particularly defensible from an aesthetic POV. Though a lot of cool people and celebrities wear Crocs, and the brand manages to make them look pretty cute on Instagram, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that it looks hip or stylish when I wear them. I don’t think they look awful on me — choosing the right color goes a long way in this regard — but they also don’t look good either, you know? The vibe, on me anyway, is, I think, fairly neutral — i.e., a vaguely shoe-shaped swath of color, similar to what a cartoon or video game character might wear. 

But also….IDGAF if they are cute or cool!!! You know what’s not cute? Getting a sore back from a couple hours of meal prep because you’re in your thirties now!!! My friend Augusta (who recently bought a very cute lavender pair of Crocs) wrote an ode to wearing comfortable shoes that I think about a lot, and that is very relevant here. 

If it’s not already obvious, Crocs are kind of the ideal pandemic footwear. They are great for long periods of cooking, doing lots of water chores, etc. They can be cleaned and disinfected easily. They can be worn with or without socks and look correct with soft clothes. They slip on and off easily, which is great when you’ve just come inside after taking your dog out and need to wash your hands before you do anything else. They are also very clearly made for carers; when I think of Crocs, I think of healthcare workers and chefs, two tasks that are fundamentally about nurturing. So wearing Crocs right now feels appropriate and correct.

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By the way, when I told my mom I was writing this blog post, she told me I had to interview her for it. This is fair; my mother is basically a sneakerhead…but for Crocs. She was into Crocs before Post Malone or Madewell were. She has 20 pairs and counting (!!), and and her collection includes some limited editions. 

ā€œThe reason I only like to wear Crocs is because every other shoe I have tried is not as comfortable,ā€ she told me. ā€œI have advanced osteoarthritis in both knees and these are the only shoes that provide the comfort I need for being on my feet all day as an art teacher. The kids at school love them.ā€ 

Some of my mom’s favorite pairs, in her own words: turquoise with SpongeBob jibbetz (the little decorative charms); donut print; black with PacMan jibbetz; pink floral; green with working Christmas light trim; tie-dye; and Star Wars. She also has ā€œdressā€ Crocs that have leather uppers.

My mom also sent me a screenshot of a message from a parent, who said her daughter (so, my mom’s student) wanted ā€œCrocs with paint splotches on themā€ for her birthday because she said ā€œher favorite teacher (you) would love them.ā€ The parent went on: ā€œShe specifically requested these because she loves that you wear Crocs all the time and she couldn’t wait to show you!ā€ 

In other family clog news, my girlfriend bought a pair of white Dansko clogs a couple of months ago that look great on her. Danskos are a whole other ugly cool shoe story, but I like my gfs so much (way more than I expected to). I might get a pair eventually, but I do think Danskos make more sense as real world shoes vs. house shoes. 

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A few odds and ends:

Just Good Shit: 04.19.20

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Hi, friends! Here’s what I had going on this week…

On the blog

Writing

Also, the one and only Captain Awkward gave that post a great ā€œYes andā€ over on her blog that’s also worth your time!

Reading

A Failure, But Not Of Prediction, Slate Star Codex.

After Social Distancing, a Strange Purgatory Awaits, The Atlantic.

Our Pandemic Summer, The Atlantic.

Why millions of college students and young adults won’t get a stimulus check, Vox.

Sorry, We Did Not All Get and Recover From COVID-19 This Winter, Lifehacker.

30 Non-Boring Things to Do With a Crush or Partner While Stuck at Home, VICE.
LOVED this list. (And you could do a lot of these things with anyone.)

Leftover AIDS Memorial Quilt Fabric Is Being Sewn Into Face Masks, them.

Love to Hate Women, Kate Harding.

How Readers Around the World Mapped Life Under Lockdown, CityLab.

Sitting on the Couch Is My New Favorite Hobby, The Cut.

Eating

On Friday — inspired by the ā€œ30 Non-Boring Things to Do With a Crush or Partnerā€ list I linked to above — my girlfriend got a ton of Saraghina baked goods delivered as a surprise/treat for me. And I got a ton of ground beef delivered as a surprise/treat for her, so we were able to make taco soup. It fucking rocked.

Have a good Sunday night! šŸ„–

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