One year of knitting

Jan 2, 2021

This month marks my one-year anniversary of learning to knit, and it’s exciting to look back and see how far I’ve come. I love having hobbies, but knitting has definitely been one of the harder ones. It has a steep learning curve, so it’s easy to get discouraged and give up early on (or…at any point, really). It was even harder to learn to knit at home without any in-person instruction, which would have, I think, changed everything. That said, with enough trial and error, willingness to start over, and good old-fashioned practice (annoying, I know!), I’ve been able to finish several projects and can now confidently call myself a competent knitter.

Here’s everything I used to learn to knit, the projects I completed this year, my favorite tools, some tips I wish I’d known sooner, and my knitting goals for 2022.

How I learned to knit

My girlfriend and I both wanted to learn to knit, and she went first, with me a week or so behind her. We both used my friend Alanna’s book, How to Knit a Hat (also on Bookshop, but currently sold out), plus YouTube videos (which is something Alanna suggests doing in the book). Because my gf started before I did, I was able to get help from her, whereas she fully taught herself without anyone else to show her.

We both finished the hat and then moved on to other projects.

Completed knitting projects 2021

Novice sweater

Knitting a whole-ass sweater felt like a huge step up after just doing a hat, and yet…it was the perfect step up! On my first attempt, I misread a step fairly early on in the pattern (it involved the increases at the yoke, and where you should start measuring the overall length) and didn’t really see a way to undo it. So I just started over! I remember being super bummed at the time, but it taught me an important lesson: that it’s often way easier to just start over, and that projects almost always look considerably better the second time around, even if it’s just redoing a cast-on or a cuff.

I don’t remember everything I worked on right after this one, but I know I attempted a Wool & the Gang sweater (the pattern is definitely not that hard, but I think I had problems because my yarn wasn’t quite the right weight and I was going off script in other ways, which was a bad idea); at least one hat; and a second novice sweater holding three strands of yarn in three different colors. None of these worked out, which was honestly fine! I’ve found I’m more of a “knitting is a journey, not a destination” knitter, and it was helpful to just practice, to get better at reading patterns (one of the hardest parts of knitting tbh), and to get practice buying yarn and needles and making sense of how they felt in my hands.

Lucky dog sweater

The next project I (technically) completed was a dog sweater from Purl Soho. It was way, way harder than I expected, or than a dog sweater has any right to be. It involved a ton of short rows using the wrap-and-turn technique, which is annoying…but it turned out to be great, in a way, because it was a small project and the instructions were well-written compared to most patterns that utilize short rows. I also really liked the Lion Brand Yarn Wool-Ease Thick and Quick yarn; this color is Coney Island, but I also bought it in Dreamcatcher, which I used on a bunch of the projects I didn’t finish around this time. It’s fairly inexpensive but feels nice in your hands, is super easy to knit with, and always a lot better than I expect it to.

I worked so hard on this sweater and all its fiddly little short rows, only to put it on Chuck and realize it didn’t fit quite right (it was too long in the neck). He made it very clear how much he hated wearing it, so I didn’t bother to fix it/redo it.

Junior novice sweater

After a longish break (vaccinated summer was…not the knitting zone), we got back into knitting again in August. I had a couple projects going around this time, but this is the first one I finished. And this one convinced me that the way to get better at knitting and actually finish projects (which helps you stay motivated) is to knit items for babies/children. This sweater, which I knit for my friend Julia’s daughter’s first birthday in October, utilizes literally the exact same techniques as the adult novice sweater, but it went so much faster. As part of the birthday gift, my gf knit the adult version for Julia so they had matching ones.

We used Berocco Ultra Alpaca Chunky yarn for both of these, a brand/weight that has become one of my favorites.

I actually knit this one from beginning to end twice! The first version, which I was thinking of as a prototype since I wasn’t going to be able to try it on the baby first, didn’t fit — the neck was too tight, and that wasn’t really something I could fix. So I just redid it and, again, didn’t regret that at all; it looked better the second time, and it was a quick enough project that I didn’t feel too precious about it, or like I’d wasted a ton of time.

This is the first project I knit swatches for; I learned that I knit very tight and need to make adjustments to patterns accordingly. It’s also the first project that I blocked, a step that I now love and swear by.

Bulky dog turtleneck sweater

This is another dog sweater that calls for a very fussy technique; in this case, it was the i-cord cast-on that took like a year off my life, and for no good reason — he’s a dog, he doesn’t need a fancy cast-on! But I’d prefer to learn on a dog sweater than a human sweater.

(BTW, this is that Lion Brand Wool Ease yarn again; this time, the color is Fairy.)

This entire sweater is supposed to be ribbed, but I decided to just do the neck ribbing and then knit the rest, and I’m glad I did. He doesn’t love the finished sweater, and ribbing the whole thing just…would not have been worth the extra time it would have taken.

Aftenstocking

At the beginning of 2021, my girlfriend and I made one resolution: To be able to knit these stockings by Christmastime. At the time, it felt impossible. Come fall, it felt….very doable, but then it turned out to be kind of a pain in the ass! I think it was because of how the pattern is written, the fact that you need very small circular needles to start, and the fact that using short rows to make a heel is just…an endeavor.

It took me so long to figure out the heel turn (I redid it at least four times, probably more?) and when I finally got it right and then finished the whole stocking, it looked…bad. Why was the toe SO STUMPY???

I still don’t know!! But through the miracle of blocking and then felting — which happened at midnight on Christmas Eve lolsob — the stocking actually ended up looking pretty good.

And with that, my first year of knitting came to an end! There was one more big sweater that I started in September that I thought I’d be able to finish by the end of the year. In the end, I got slowed down because I had to learn new techniques (like sewing on sleeves) and because of some annoying/avoidable mistakes (e.g., using the wrong size needles on the sleeves, which meant they were too small). I finally made it to the home stretch, but I’m having a terrible time picking up the stitches for the neckline, so I’ve set it aside and will go back to it later. I was sick of it and needed a break.

Tools

There are so, so many tools for knitters and it’s impossible to list all my favorites (and it’s so personal anyway), but there are a few that really made a difference this year:

Bags within bags

I swear by my Baggu baby bag + smaller individual zipper bags. Also, you won’t regret having tiny scissors and a tiny tape measure in your bag.

Plastic stitch markers

I think my girlfriend bought this case of colorful plastic stitch markers ($8.99 from Amazon) very early on in our knitting journey, and they are one of our most-used and most-loved items. I’ve tried some others in the time since, and honestly, the hot Cocoknits brass ones have nothing on these plastic ones. Truly an MVP.

A stitch counter

I finally bought myself a knitting counter this fall, and I don’t know what took me so long! (I was marking down a tally with a pencil and paper this whole time.) I really like the $9 metal one I have, and my girlfriend loves the $9 Clover one. (Hers makes the most satisfying sound every time she advances it.) I’ve also been experimenting with counting apps; sometimes you need to have two counters going at once, and an app is really helpful for that. I downloaded a bunch of different ones to try, and Count That Now is my favorite.

A knitting notebook

Another major “What took me so long?” addition to my life. More here.

A few tips I swear by

IG: @kiyanaknits

In no particular order, here are some of the things I wish I’d known/really understood as a beginner.

• You have to like the yarn you’re using! You definitely don’t need fancy yarn, especially when you’re starting out, but you should really like looking at it (because you’re going to be stuck with it for a while). If you’ve done a few rows and are asking yourself the whole time if you really like the color or are already regretting choosing it, just stop and start over with a different color.

• I have really never regretted starting something over when I realized I’ve made a mistake or something is looking loose/bad/etc. Pretty much everything looks better on a second pass. 

• If something isn’t looking good and you’re stressed about it, put it away for a while and come back to it. Most things look better with fresh eyes/once you’ve zoomed out and are looking at the entire project. And if they still look bad, well, see above tip about starting over.

• A lot of surface mistakes can be “fixed in post” — aka when you’re all done. For example, blocking solves a huge amount of problems (e.g., you’ve got some stitches that are looking a little funky), and underarm holes can easily be sewn together when you’re done.

• Knitting slower and reading the patterns slower would have solved like 75% of my knitting problems in the past year.

• My girlfriend and I store all of our knitting patterns in a shared Google Drive folder so we can easily find them/re-print them later. We both always work from a printed pattern, but sometimes it’s nice to be able to pull up the pattern on your phone when you’re in a store, or look up a specific instruction on your phone if the pattern is kind of out of reach.

• Most local knitting stores have some form of IRL classes/office hours/etc. where you can get personalized help and ask questions about your projects. (So, for example, if it had been safe to go IRL in December, I would have definitely done that for the stocking heel trouble I was having.)

• If you find a YouTube tutorial you really like, save it to a playlist! You’ll probably need to reference it again in the future, and not all YouTube tutorials are created equal.

• Take more notes than you think you’ll need to; you won’t remember things as well as you think you will, not even the things that are giving you a ton of grief.

• Yarn is a great souvenir! During the trips my girlfriend and I took this fall, we found yarn stores and picked out yarn as a special souvenir from the trip.

2022 knitting goals

IG: @kiyanaknits

Heading into the new year, here are my big knitting goals:

Learn to knit continental. I think this style of knitting will allow me to knit a lot faster and more comfortably. I’ve actually already started learning and it turned out to be…a lot easier than I expected? I think it’s also helping me adjust my tension/make up for the fact that I’m knitting too tight, which is something I really needed to correct, so I’m thrilled.

Knit with blocks of color. This is this year’s stocking goal, aka a goal my girlfriend and I both want to do. This might look like intarsia or a Fair Isle…we’ll see! For me, this is very much a Q4 goal.

Knit an object of some sort. I recently discovered the big world of knit animals, and realized there are tons of other non-clothing items one can knit (like Christmas decorations or vegetables). I think this is going to be something I really enjoy — it has the “you can complete a whole project faster” effect you get with kids’ clothes, but is more immediately useful to me personally. I actually impulse-knit a bird today, so technically I can already cross this goal off already, but I want to properly invest in it and get good enough at it to be able gift things (or at least decorate my Christmas tree).

Annnd that’s a wrap on my first year of knitting! I was going to say something here about how it’s been really good for my mental health, a nice alternative to looking my phone and a good thing to do when you’re feeling anxious… but the reality is that I regularly declare that I hate it, and my girlfriend and I reference this TikTok all the time when we’re knitting. So ya know… it has its moments. 🧶

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Just a bunch of good Thanksgiving shit

U.S. Thanksgiving is right around the corner (as are a bunch of other cooking + family holidays), so I thought it would be a good time to share a bunch of resources and tips that might be helpful as you think about how you’ll spend your holiday!

Education

• How to Support Indigenous People on Thanksgiving

• Decolonizing Thanksgiving Toolkit Part II: Indigenous Peoples Today

• All My Relations is a podcast hosted by Matika Wilbur and Adrienne Keene. (Dr. Keene’s blog has taught me so much over the years; I really recommend it!) “ThanksTaking or ThanksGiving?” is a good episode to start with.

• You can also look into local-to-you organizations that need support; for example, I’m making a monthly donation to NYC’s American Indian Community House. You might also want to contribute to a voluntary land tax if that’s an option in your area, or go the broader route and give time/money Indigenous Environmental Network.

Making cooking more pleasant and less stressful

Generally speaking

• 9 things that have made me a calmer, better cook

• In Nancy Meyers’ Kitchen, my favorite cooking playlist

Recipes

This is the Thanksgiving menu I’m working with this year, all of which I made last yer and loved.

• Beef tenderloin with homemade horseradish sauce from Joy of Cooking

• House mashed potatoes (How Sweet Eats)

• Maple-roasted Brussels sprouts with toasted hazelnuts (NYT Cooking)

• Cranberry sauce (NYT Cooking)

• Apple cider spritz, pomegranate Aperol spritz, or winter Aperol spritz (How Sweet Eats)

• Spiced pumpkin pie (NYT Cooking) with stand mixer pie crust (King Arthur Flour)

Also, it is my sincerely-held belief that the most important thing you will eat on any big holiday is actually breakfast. I feel like people often overlook it because they want to get started cooking (or they don’t know what to have because they’re in someone else’s home) and think it’ll be fine because they are going to eat a big meal later…and then they are starving and extremely cranky by noon. So plan ahead! When hosting, I’m a huge fan of a make-ahead breakfast casserole. And if you’re not the one hosting…maybe offer to make a make-ahead breakfast casserole?

Food-related bonus reads

• Why Diet Coke Is the Perfect Thanksgiving Beverage (because you always need an EANAB!)

• The Cranberry Caucus Is Insanely Powerful

• Meet The Woman Who Has Been Saving Thanksgiving For The Past 33 Years.

Having people over

Generally speaking

• 8 Easy, Genius Hosting Tips that Expert Entertainer Dorinda Medley Swears By

• A Few Small Tips for Throwing a Great Party This Summer

• Just a Bunch of Easy Ways to Make Vaxxed Hangouts Safer in the Delta Era

Family stuff

• A Beginner's Guide to Hosting Family for the Holidays Without Melting Down

• How to Go Home for the Holidays When Your Family Is a Bit Much

Decorations

• Danica taper candles (review here) in rust, wine, black, honey, and/or taupe are gorgeous for fall.

• If you live in the NYC area and need dishes and/or servingware, I highly recommend going to Fishs Eddy and browsing their incredible selection of dinerware. We recently replaced our mismatched dishes with green Homer Laughlin china from Fishs Eddy and I’m so thrilled about it.

• Last Thanksgiving, I bought a Blue Rose Pottery pie plate ($48.50) to make my first-ever pie and ended up loving it way more than I expected to. The specific one I bought is currently out of stock, but there are tons of other cute options.

Pre-dinner readings

• The Haudenosaunee Thanksgiving Address

• “Perhaps the World Ends Here”

• “The Orange”

• Pretty much anything by Mary Oliver

Entertainment and games

• First, definitely read 22 Ways to Make Thanksgiving Into Your Own Weird, Perfect Holiday, which my friend Amy Rose wrote.

• If you’ll be celebrating on your own, check out How to Have a Very Nice Solo Holiday, which I edited last year.

• If you’re a “TV on all day” kind of family, my girlfriend and I have a tradition where we watch every Thanksgiving episode of Friends on Thanksgiving morning/day. I’m not really a Friends fan (like, I’ve seen it and don’t dislike it, I’ve just never actively watched it) but I find I really enjoy it in this context! You could also do this with any show that has a lot of seasons and always did strong Thanksgiving episodes (Gossip Girl comes to mind, and I bet The Nanny would work here too) as a nice alternative to football or whatever the hell NBC shows during the day after the parade ends.

• ICYMI, check out Terri’s list of great shows to watch when you’re hanging out with your family.

• Working on a crossword puzzle is a low-stakes activity that can be done with a another person or in a small group and is a nice way to engage with relatives/in-laws without having to make small talk about, IDK, “those Spartans” or when exactly you’re going to have kids. You could probably grab a giant book of crossword puzzles from the supermarket or just order The New York Times Greatest Hits of Monday Crossword Puzzles: 100 Easy Puzzles, The New York Times Crosswords for a Long Weekend: 200 Easy to Hard Crossword Puzzles, or any other NYT joint.

• A few board games to have in your closet: Clue (the retro version for $19.99 or the updated one for $10.99), Mexican train dominoes ($19.29), Dixit ($31.99), and Codenames ($11.49).

• A few card games worth tossing in your weekender (or bringing as a host gift): Cover Your Assets ($16.99), Sushi Go ($7.39), Strawberry Sunset ($12.95), The Bears and the Bees ($14.99), and Anomia ($15.50) (review here).

• If you have a Nintendo Switch, pick up some extra joy-cons in advance (or borrow from a friend), get any cables you need to connect it to the TV, and download Super Smash Bros., Overcooked, or a Jackbox Party Pack (which doesn’t require extra controllers BTW). 🦃

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The best shows to watch with parents, in-laws, and other family members

Hello, friends! Today, for your reading pleasure, Terri, an expert in parent-friendly entertainment (among other topics), is treating us to some fresh recs! —Rachel

Photo by Marques Kaspbrak on Unsplash

Between March 2020 and March 2021, I spent eight months living with my parents. That is eight out of 12 months. Two-thirds of a year. Nearly every weeknight, and on some weekend nights too, we’d plop down on the couch, someone would turn on the TV, and then that same someone would say, “So, what should we put on?” Even though that someone was often my dad, it wasn’t always — because he got to the point where he’d sooner sit in a silent room than have to piece together the jigsaw puzzle titled, “Something Inoffensive, Entertaining, Digestible, and Broadly Appealing.”

As I’m sure you’ve experienced with family members, it is extremely difficult to find something to watch that fits into those categories. And among me and my parents, the Venn diagram of our TV interests intersects in a space no larger than a chia seed.

Anything we watched had to satisfy these criteria:

• Nothing political (there’s a time and a place for that, but it’s just...not every single night after dinner)

• No reality TV (my mom and I love it, my dad hates it)

• Nothing too murdery (in a fun generational twist, my parents adore Dateline, but it kept me up at night in our quiet suburban house)

• Preferably no movies (my mom and I don’t have the patience, my dad absolutely does)

• Extra points if it’s a documentary 

• Preferably something in multiple parts, to stave off the next search for a show for as long as possible

Unsurprisingly, many nights passed where I watched Too Hot to Handle on my iPad while my parents watched Mecum Auto Auctions (don’t ask) next to me on the couch. I know I could go to my room like an angsty teenager — I was in my childhood home, after all — but the time with my parents felt sacred and fleeting, even though, as I have to point out again, it lasted eight months in total. So I really, really wanted to solve that jigsaw puzzle (both literally and figuratively; I love a j-puzz).

And by god, we really did manage to find some stuff that we all not only tolerated, but actually really liked. And I’m telling you, if these worked for me and my parents, then you and yours will absolutely like them too. Consider this your next TV show playlist for the next holiday, visit home, family vacation, or, god forbid, extended global pandemic.

Stuff you maybe haven’t watched yet, but should

• Finding Your Roots with Henry Louis Gates. At the start of the pandemic, I started paying for a PBS subscription, thereby giving me streaming access to their entire library  of programs (including Ken Burns documentaries and entire live recordings of Broadway shows, both of which always get a collective “hell yeah” from Bob and Carol). It’s one of the best things I did, partially because it gave us access to this jewel of a show. Gates meets up with celebrities of all stripes (Jordan Peele! Bernie Sanders!), traces their lineage, tells them stories about their ancestors they never knew, and sometimes tells them about other celebs they’re related to. (This is the show where it was discovered that Larry David and Bernie are actually related.) It’s so charming, offers a very personal insight into history, and Gates is an engaging, delightful host. I liked it so much I’ve been watching ever since I went back to my own apartment.

• Only Connect. This is an extremely British game show in which teams of three try to make connections among seemingly disparate bits of trivia and words. When I say it’s extremely British, I mean there are countless questions about cricket, “footballers,” British counties and towns, and at least one question about some creature named Basil Brush. Even if you consider yourself a smart person, it will make you feel like an idiot, but it’s so fun, I promise. The host, Victoria Coren Mitchell, is equal parts warm, witty, and excoriating, and has a ton of fun with the supremely nerdy contestants who toil away at the questions for literally no prize other than a plaque. It airs on the BBC in the UK, but you can watch on YouTube in the U.S.

• The Food that Made America. This is a docu-series on the History Channel, because you know I had to include something from the History Channel on a list of shows I watched with my parents. This one is super fun: It traces the history of some of the most iconic food brands, like Coca-Cola, Hershey’s, and Frito-Lay, and intersperses it with some truly cringe-worthy reenactments. Somehow, every single company was founded by two brothers who eventually hated each other because one only cared about the business and the other wanted to fuck around. Anyway. It’s pretty entertaining, and you learn stuff! And crave some snacks.

• Modern Marvels. This comes on right after The Food that Made America, and if you, like my mom, have a tendency to fall asleep during a show for 10 minutes or more, you might wake up and be like, “Oh cool, same show.” But this one has Adam Richman (the Man vs. Food guy), and in the most recent season I watched, he shows you how all kinds of foods are made. He shows you chocolate chip cookies, chips, ice cream, and goes inside the factories, and it’s all very informative and mouth-watering and broadly appealing. No one will object. What more are you really asking for?

• The World Poker Tour. Listen, sometimes you need to space out and listen to Vince van Patten and Tony Dunst narrate the action as some dude name Joe tries to hide that he has pocket aces. I finally got somewhat decent at playing poker while I was home, so we watched a lot of the World Poker Tour. Even though the ads are interminable, it was pretty entertaining, and helped me beat my 8-year-old niece at the game at least twice. If you want something that’s literally always on, no matter when you want to watch it, this is perfect.

• Buying Alaska. This is somehow not on HGTV. It follows people trying to buy homes in Alaska, the more remote and the fewer the toilets, the better. It’s pretty entertaining because it includes more about the lifestyle of Alaskans than HGTV shows tend to include — but also, some people just really want to live among the moose, and I find that charming.

• The Plot Against America. This was really gripping stuff! It’s alternate history based on a book by Philip Roth about what the world would look like if Charles Lindbergh defeated FDR in the 1940 presidential election. It’s obviously fiction, but the sobering depiction of rising fascism and antisemitism felt… not that far off! I know I said we usually avoid anything remotely political, but we’re Jewish, and the story about a Jewish family really hooked us in.
  

Some stuff you’ve definitely heard of and/or watched, but shouldn’t discount:

• Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives

• Operation Varsity Blues: The College Admissions Scandal

• Curb Your Enthusiasm

• The Stanley Tucci CNN show in Italy

• The Queen’s Gambit

• The Crown

Thank you, Terri! Finally, here are a few of my personal recs for family-friendly entertainment: Defunctland (make a playlist of all the vids that sound good to you and let it rock), The Last Dance, Winning Time: Reggie Miller vs. the New York Knicks, Untold: Crime & Penalties, The Imagineering Story, and Ken Burns’ Prohibition (which it will not surprise you to hear that Terri actually recommended to me a few years ago). —RWM 📺

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A small nice new year thing: a house journal

Here’s a little thing my girlfriend and I started at the beginning of the month: a house journal. We took an extra notebook I had and started using it for making shared lists, like movies we want to watch, recipes we’ve made, things we’re planning, etc. We’re also doing one weekly entry, on Sunday nights, where we do a quick recap list of the week’s highlights — shows we watched, purchases, any good things that happened, etc.. It’s a super low-stakes way to do pandemic journaling, and also just practical. I still have my own journal for my to-do lists, knitting projects, diary entries, etc., but I’m finding it really nice to have a singular place to document and keep track of things this year. ✍🏽

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This tinsel is a pretty good way to spend $15

One of the unexpected winners of the at-home birthday celebration I threw for my girlfriend a couple of weeks ago was the pack of metallic tinsely curtains ($15.99 for two silver and two gold on Amazon) I bought.

Each curtain is approximately the width of a door and fairly long/tall, with a horizontal adhesive strip at the top; I put three over the window/door to the terrace, and one over the bedroom door, and they genuinely made the space feel different and celebratory.

In fact, we liked them so much that we got a second pack to use for the “office holiday party” that we had on Tuesday night.

The curtains flutter and reflect light in a really nice way, and you actually don’t need to do anything else to make them shine. But if you want to take things up a notch, you could turn on a mini LED party light. (We used the one that came in a company swag bag my girlfriend received a couple of months ago, but you can get a similar one for $16.99 on Amazon.)

Even though you can see some window showing behind the curtains in these photos, they look great and plenty thick IRL. (But if you wanted to make them appear thicker, you could easily double them up.)

We also kept them up for our “supercouch” (aka air mattress inflated in front of the couch) movie day.

I was pleasantly surprised by how much delight/novelty the curtains provided; in this bleak year, it’s always nice when a small thing actually helps quite a bit. If you’re a New Year’s Eve person and want to do something to mark the occasion while also being safe, or if someone in your household has a birthday coming up, these are totally worth it.

Get the gold and silver four-pack from Amazon for $15.99. (They also come in a bunch of other colors, like this pretty rose gold.) ✨

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Just a bunch of Christmas shit I’m into right now

Hi! Even though Christmas is only a few days away and a lot of your planning/shopping/decorating is likely done, I thought I’d share some of the festive recipes/playlists/DIY projects I’m into right now!

Decorations

I bought the wooden Advent spiral above from OakTree Vibrations on Etsy and it’s been such a nice addition to our home! (It looks like the shop is currently closed FYI.) Figuring out the right size candles was a Whole Thing, but I’m currently using these white candles with a little ball of clay stuck under each one to hold them in place.

I’m also very, very, very happy with my bay leaf wreath, which I’ve wanted for years.

This is my go-to method for lighting a tree; it works perfectly every time.

Here’s a Twitter thread of all my favorite Christmas aesthetics.

If you want some additional inspiration/dreaminess, look no further than this Swedish blog.

And if you want to go in an entirely different direction (read: kitsch), I cannot recommend these gold and silver “curtains” ($15.99 for a set of four from Amazon) enough! I bought them as part of the decor for my girlfriend’s birthday last week and she loved them — they totally transformed our space and made it look like a cozy/cool bar. Pair it with a mini LED party light (which we had lying around from a company swag bag, but you can get one for $16.99 on Amazon) on the red/green setting and you’ll be in business.

Finally, a tiny tip from me to you: If you have a smart plug, put your Christmas tree on it! It’s really nice to be able to turn it off from bed at night, especially if you live alone — it’s like having someone tuck you in.

Things to make

Some fun things from my IG saved items: googly eyes on gifts, a gift wrap gift bow, peppermint sparkle, a Caprese candy cane board, and baked gruyère with garlic and herb (recipe here).

Also: how to transform a Christmas garland, how to make a very cute Christmas tree train, and how to make a gift bow out of newsprint. I’m also planning to make tissue paper stars and eggnog snickerdoodles this week.

Holiday entertainment

TV: I’ve been absolutely obsessed with NYT Cooking’s Christmas cookie videos; they are all so soothing and nice! I also love 2019’s cookie medley; Susan Spungen feels like a real life version of Meryl Streep’s character in It’s Complicated. We’ve also been watching old holiday themed Barefoot Contessa episodes, which is delightful.

Movies: Jingle Jangle is great! Dolly Parton’s Christmas on the Square, however, is unwatchable. And I’m due for a Carol rewatch. On Wednesday, we’re going to inflate the air mattress in front of the couch (basically turning the living room into one large soft square) and cover everything in Christmas/winter blankets, and then we’re going to watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, Elf, and a couple other classics.

Books: David Sedaris’s “SantaLand Diaries” is a classic. And I’m really enjoying re-reading Elin Hildebrand’s Winter Street novels.

Holiday vibes

Here are some of my favorite Christmas playlists and albums:

• Santa Claus is a Black man by Aminatou Sow

• Noel by Caity Weaver

• Jazz & Blues Christmas

• French Christmas

• Songs For Christmas — Sufjan Stevens

• Simply Christmas — Leslie Odom Jr.

• A Charlie Brown Christmas

I definitely need to make a new mega Christmas playlist at some point soon because the one I spent several years curating has been lost in the abyss of iTunes on old computers.

I’m also still drinking a lot of hot chocolate, and VanLeeuwen’s peppermint stick ice cream is currently on my grocery list.

Not all yule logs are created equal! After trying a bunch, I’ve found that I like this fireplace best. I also love this soothing snowy scene.

Finally, here are some old pieces of mine/that I edited that you might enjoy right now:

• Why Miniature Christmas Villages Are Such A Big Thing

• 37 Holiday Self-Care Tips For Anyone Who Is Kind Of Not OK RN

• 4 Ways To Easily Remove Stubborn Price Stickers From Gifts

• How to Make a Holiday Family Photo Book

• How to Spend Christmas Alone

• How to Make Socially Distanced Holidays Actually Feel Special

• How to Make Your Pandemic Holiday Feel Like a HOLIDAY

• How to Be Gracious About a Truly Horrible Gift

• Great Gifts and How to Give Them

• AITAWICTG (Am I the Asshole When It Comes To Gifts)?

And there’s still time to send gifts/gift cards to trans young people in need via @transanta! ✨

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Unscented taper candles? Unscented taper candles!!!

When it comes to making purchases in an attempt to stave off existential dread, candles are at the top of my list — which is actually kind of a new thing for me! It all started when my girlfriend traveled to Sweden for work in early February. In addition to discovering that Swedish McDonald’s is called “McDonken,” and offers “Donken Deals” and “Donken Meals,” she learned a lot about great lighting.

Norrmalms Elektriska in Stockholm

Here’s what she had to say about all of this:  

“I visited Stockholm in February and learned that because it’s fairly far north, you experience regular early-afternoon darkness. Evidently, the shortest days are around six hours, and as you go further north, it’s basically dark around the clock. My guess is that because it gets so cold and dark there, Swedes have become experts in cozy, ephemeral lighting. (See also: hygge.) Even public street lamps were beautiful — soft, glowy orbs. 

In addition to beautiful lamps — think: mushroom lamps and paper lantern orbs — unscented taper candles and candlestick holders were ubiquitous and inexpensive. The candles were widely available in really lovely colors, most notably soft pastels. While I was there, I visited Lagerhaus (basically a cooler, leveled-up Bed Bath & Beyond) and bought as many candles as I could fit in my suitcase. When I got back home, I was reluctant to burn the candles; as far as I can tell, Lagerhaus doesn’t ship to the U.S., and I knew that once my supply ran out, that would be it.

A month or two later, I was browsing the website of Shop Sounds, a Park Slope boutique, and realized they sold colorful, unscented tapers. I bought two 6” pairs, at $6 a set. When I tried to buy more later, they were sold out, so I wanted to figure out if any other retailers carried them. 

Boutiques like this will typically name the designer of each item, but these particular candles were conspicuously missing a designer. Still, the website description offered one clue: ‘Designed and made in Rockport, Maine.’ So, I did a bit of Googling and discovered Danica Design Candles — a candle company based in West Rockport, Maine.

Don’t let their website fool you; the tapers are beautiful, come in tons of colors, and ship super quickly. Not only were we able to order the candles directly from them, in even more colors, they were significantly cheaper: $3 per pair vs. $6. So we ordered a bunch, and, because they were less expensive/easily replaced, started burning them every evening just...because. A new duvet o’clock, basically.” 

The Danica candles are available in several sizes, but we buy either the 6” tapers ($15.50 for a box of 10) and 9” tapers ($18.50 per box of 10). I like the look of the longer ones better, but the smaller ones tend to be a better fit for a lot of candle holders. 

Unscented taper candles were a revelation for me; I’m pretty sensitive to fragrances, so I can’t burn scented candles for very long/too near where I’m hanging out, and I avoid strong candles entirely. And because I was used to jar candles, I had always viewed them as something you do for fragrance/mood first and foremost versus something you do for decor. (While some candles, like Totem and Goober, are obviously decor, I would be less likely to burn them because I wouldn’t want to ruin the shapes.) But because unscented tapers are so elegant and the colors are so lovely, I see them more as a really beautiful decorative item and a way to create a mood. (They are also a pretty good source of light! Imagine that!) And because they don’t have a fragrance, you can light a bunch at once and let them burn for a few hours without getting a migraine. 

I’m also really loving unscented tapers as an (inexpensive) way to decorate for different seasons; this summer, we bought brighter colors (like maize, peach, and antique rose), and are now moving into fall colors (like pewter, honey, willow, bordeaux, and black). Last month, I ordered a bunch of boxes of Danica candles and shipped them to friends as part of a fall care package. (Shout out to my postal scale!) Here’s how our friends Tom and Danny styled the bordeaux tapers we sent them:

Image: @tomgvellner

Taper inspiration

My girlfriend and I follow a bunch of Scandinavian home accounts, and taper candles show up there pretty regularly. Some inspo: 

Image: @danicachloedk

Image: @mariaharmuth

Image: @frollein_herr

Image: @frollein_herr

Image: @cathdelichtenberg

Image: @cathdelichtenberg

Image: @aylagurganus

Image: @cathdelichtenberg

Image: @mosebacke

Image: @mosebacke

Other good taper candles

While I mostly stick to Danica’s tapers, I’ve expanded a little bit here and there in the past few months; I bought an ombré taper set from Urban and recently got two Frau Gold ombré tapers from Casa Ziki. The other ones I’m really excited about are these spiral candles from Kiosk48th; the colors are amazing and I love the glossy finish.

Image: Kiosk48th

While those particular ones are currently sold out, I’m seeing similar candles pop up at a lot of other retailers, and Etsy has a ton of not-quiiiite-the-same-but-still-nice twists too.

Taper holders

You’ll need something to put the tapers in, but taper holders are fairly plentiful in bigger retailers, at thrift and vintage stores, and on Etsy. We’ve collected a bunch over the past few months; here are some shopping recs: 

• We recently bought a couple $4.99 IKEA godtagbar candle holders, which are great — inexpensive, and built to catch dripping wax

• Urban Outfitters has lots of cute options, though the specific ones I have are no longer available

• Target has really nice, straightforward taper holders

• Blue and white wedding china–esque holders are plentiful on Etsy and look lovely mixed in with other, more modern, candle holders

• I ordered this splurgey Hübsch metal candle holder this summer, and Førmprojekt has other options in a range of prices

• I love Kiosk48th’s home goods, and their vintage section often has cool candelabras; I bought one that looks like this a few months ago

• Flying Tiger, which is based in Denmark but has stores in the New York area, has tons of unscented candles and candle holders, so I’m excited to be able to shop there again...someday

• A few days after I looked at tons of vintage red wooden candle holders in this style on Etsy, thinking it would be nice to get one for Christmas, my friend Caroline — who had no idea I had been looking at these! — was randomly like, “Hey I thrifted a candelabra that I think you guys would like, I’m going to ship it to you!” and it turned out to be a red wooden candelabra in the exact same style! Thrilling! 

Oh and Hay makes storage bins ($6–$10 from MoMA Design Store) that are a great way to store your growing candle collection!

The thing I really like about the Danica taper candles is that they have forced me to stop being precious about beautiful but ultimately fleeting items. I’ve certainly been guilty of saving things like candles and face masks and journals for some “special” future use, to the point that I don’t actually ever let myself enjoy them. It’s been nice to buy these candles and give myself permission to actually burn them just for the hell of it. 🕯

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Extremely good shit: IKEA Fado lamp

IKEA Lisabo side table, Mimi Ceramics planter, Poketo coaster

As the days get shorter and we prepare for a long winter at home, I’m getting very into lighting! I come to you with two strong recs in this department: unscented taper candles, and, today, the $25 IKEA Fado lamp.

I cannot say enough good things about this lamp, which my girlfriend brought into my life last year. It looks so nice and creates a soft, glowy, warm, cozy light. It also really pulls its weight, brightening up dark spaces without being too harsh.

It was actually impossible to get the Fado in Brooklyn for a while this spring/summer, but I kept checking the website regularly and they eventually returned — so we were able to buy two more, bringing our total to four (two in the living room, two in the bedroom). Other friends have mentioned the same thing happening in other cities recently, but they were also able to get them eventually, so don’t give up if it appears to be out of stock where you live.

The Fado comes with a perfectly good bulb, but if you want to take it to the next level, I recommend the Yeelight multicolor smart LED bulb ($32.99 on Amazon). We have two of these, and have been really happy with them. You can use the app that goes with it to choose the exact shade of white and brightness you want, and/or easily turn the bulb whatever color you want. (My friend Devin sold me on this idea, and now I’m very into it, especially for movie nights. I recommend a pink shade, personally.)

Other lighting-related odds and ends:

• While poking around Tradera (a Swedish version of eBay) this summer, my gf came across the IKEA Lykta lamp, which they no longer produce. It originally came in a bunch of colors; we tracked down a Barbie–fuchsia one on eBay, and absolutely love it. While the color is fairly aggro, it’s balanced by the fact that the lamp is so small. And when it’s on, it looks very much like the wax in a lava lamp, mid-bloop. It’s very flirty!!!

• The Room Essentials G40 clear globes from Target ($12 for a 20-ct. string) are my all-time favorite indoor/outdoor string lights.

• Good floor lamps are hard to find, but Article now has an orb floor lamp (floorb?) that looks pretty nice.

• I’m into IKEA's $12 Tokabo table lamp, which seems like it might be the new Lykta. The lamp’s designer said, “I see TOKABO table lamp as a cute little friend who fits anywhere, on the smallest shelf or table top.” A cute little friend!!! I love it. 💡

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Go on, live a little — get yourself the giant pasta-shaped garlic peeler

When my girlfriend bought this giant fake piece of penne from GreatBigStuff.com — along with some bowtie pasta pot grippers — I expected it to merely be decorative. That alone would be great! But much to my delight, it’s also a surprisingly effective garlic peeler.

Peeling garlic by hand is a fairly annoying task, and putting it in a plastic tube — that, it cannot be overstated, looks like a giant piece of penne — and rolling it around is a nice alternative that doesn’t take up a lot of kitchen space.

I highly recommend it! Get it from GreatBigStuff.com for $19. 🍝

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Just a bunch of gentle ways to entertain yourself without leaving your home

Image: Jonathan Howard Kemp via Unsplash

Hi, friends. Things feel pretty scary right now, and once you’ve had your fill of the day’s (or hour’s) news, you might find yourself with a lot of time on your hands and no idea how to fill it… and that boredom and anxiety can make going out very tempting. (BTW, if you’re not self-isolating yet but really could be, read Your Social Life Is Going on Hiatus and all the links within.)

With that in mind, I put together a list of things to occupy your mind and time for the next little while. (And I’ll update it if/when I think of other ideas!) I hope something on here will be just the thing you were looking for.

To read

The best things I’ve written and edited over the years

The best things I read and wrote in 2019

Old BuzzFeed posts from my team: Terri Pous, Tom Vellner, Anna Borges, and Gyan Yankovich. (And me!)

My Goodreads profile (note: I was adding pretty haphazardly prior to 2019)

Reading list: Pride edition

Just good summer reading

My favorite Ask a Manager posts

PSA: You can check out e-books from your local library through the Libby app.

This also seems like a great time to pick up Elin Hildebrand novels!

To listen to

Here are my all-time favorite podcast episodes

More playlists to have on for background noise, including a new one for March + bonus fun bops

To watch

Jane the Virgin

Cheer

Black Mirror (Just “San Junipero” and “Nosedive” for now)

Our Planet (because Netflix pulled Planet Earth recently)

Ken Burns’ Prohibition

Steven Universe: The Movie

Homecoming: A Film by Beyoncé

Pen15

Nailed It

Jeopardy!

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

I Love Lucy

Are You the One? Season 8 (It’ll repair some of the rot caused by Love Is Blind)

RuPaul’s Drag Race

Feel Good on Netflix

To do*

*As long as you already possess the necessary supplies/ingredients

Make delicious use of all your beans and pasta. (Related: Chickpea pasta, lemon butter pasta, and simple recipes to make when your life is in shambles.)

Make friendship bracelets. Also consider this list of creative hobbies to try when everything is awful and you're not okay.

Pour your anxious energy into a tiny home project that will leave you feeling accomplished.

Use YouTube tutorials to teach yourself music video choreography.

Try Yoga with Adriene or a Ryan Heffington IG Live dance class.

Do a puzzle.

Get on the Marco Polo app — it’s a fun/easy way to keep in touch.

Read How to Solve The New York Times Crossword, download the app, and try your first Monday puzzle. (Tip: Doing all the old Monday and Tuesday puzzles in the archives is a great way to get better very quickly.)

Make friendship bracelets. Also consider this list of creative hobbies to try when everything is awful and you're not okay.

Journal daily.

Create DIY/art projects/collages with whatever supplies you have! I’m probably going to dust off my Cricut at some point this weekend and make weird/silly shit with it, and/or make a zine.

Be a good neighbor.

And remember to call/FaceTime friends and family to stay connected, especially if you (or they!) live alone — it really does help! 💛

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How to wear white clothes year-round without completely ruining them

The question I get asked most often — just after “What race are you?” by total strangers in public!!! — is “How do you wear white clothes all the time without ruining them?” It’s true that I have a well-documented affinity for white and pastels; not only do I wear white jeans or pants year-round, I also have all white bedding and towels, and have owned an ivory couch for four years. 

I’m actually not immune to spills and stains; I’ve had a few Huge Incidents over the past five years. But keeping my stuff relatively clean is important to me because I don’t want to waste money (or…waste clothing) so I put some effort into it. I think a smallish amount of practical planning and knowledge goes a long way, and that luck has done the rest. 

Anyway, for those who have asked me what my “secret” is...here you go! 

1. Maybe start by wearing inexpensive items you don’t care as much about.
   I’m not a huge fan of buying things you view as disposable or plan to replace in short order, but I also think it makes sense to test things out a bit before committing to an expensive version of them. If you’re worried about ruining white jeans, for example, you could get a pair from a thrift store or clothing swap and see how you fare using some of the tips below. Over time, you might feel confident enough to start buying nicer/more expensive stuff.  
   
   

2. Wait to get dressed until right before you leave the house.
   If you’re wearing white clothes around the house while you get ready in the morning, the likelihood that you’ll spill makeup, toothpaste, or coffee on them is high. I always take Chuck out before I get dressed for the day, and try to minimize my at-home exposure to food, dirt, coffee, etc. when I’m wearing white. 
   
   

3. Avoid wearing white on rainy days. 
   I actually don’t abide by this tip most the time, but if you’ve only got a few white items in rotation, save them for dry days! Mud/dirt/dirty water droplets are bar far the biggest offender I’ve come across — far bigger than blood or food or coffee. 
   
   

4. Be strategic with your outerwear/layers.
   If you’re going to wear a coat, wear a coat that covers your ass vs. a jacket that does not! This will come in handy when you’re, say, sitting on a park bench. 
   
   I know that Jean Wang of the blog Extra Petite once suggested tying a lightweight jacket around your waist before sitting on a park bench or outdoor cafe, a tip that I’ve never personally used, but that seems like it would work. You could also set down an inexpensive blanket/scarf or something to that effect. 
   
   

5. Put napkins on your lap when you’re eating. 
   This one is so simple but really does make a difference. And don’t just put one tiny napkin on your lap; open a few and spread them out a bit. 
   
   

6. Actually look at your clothes after you take them off/before washing them.
   I don’t bust out a magnifying glass to inspect every item I own after I wear it, but I do do a quick scan after I take something off, before I wash it, and/or before I wear it again without washing it first. In my experience, most stains or just general clothing grossness happens without my even realizing it, especially in spots that are hard to see when the clothes are on your body. (The waistband of jeans/pants and then the first few inches of the hem are the two prime spots, in my experience.)
   
   If you don’t realize the stains are there, you’re likely to skip treating them before you do laundry, and then toss the item in the dryer, thus baking the stain in for good. So making a point to handle and look over your clothes for an extra 10 seconds goes a long way. 
   
   

7. Be aware of your body in space.
   This one is harder to explain, or perhaps to train yourself to do, but I feel fairly aware of what I’m doing with my body when I’m wearing white. So that means I do things like…
   
   - Sitting close enough to a table where I’m eating, so that less of my bottom half/lap is exposed 
   - Carrying my mug of coffee at a slightly larger distance from my body than I would otherwise, so that if it does slosh over the side, it’s less likely to land on me/my clothes
   - Avoiding overfilling mugs of coffee/tea
   - Slowing down when I’m turning a corner, to give other people time to see me
   - Looking at seats/surfaces before I sit on them to make sure they are clean
   - Paying attention to what I’m eating/drinking while I’m consuming it (i.e., I try not to consume while super distracted by a book or a coffee)
   
   This stuff may seem overly fussy, but I think it’s pretty imperceptible to other people, and it probably makes the biggest difference. It’s also not like I’m constantly weighed down by thoughts about this stuff; a lot of it is just second-nature now, and even when it wasn’t, I didn’t find it stressful or tiring.  
   
   

8. Use a period tracker app. 
   Many a human who bleeds regularly (or irregularly) has asked me how I deal with my period and white clothes. The biggest thing I do is track my periods. Of course, it’s not a perfect science, but it does at least tell me generally when to expect it, which then means I can plan accordingly. In this case, plan accordingly might actually mean “wear a pad just in case” which is fine — I’d much rather do that than ruin my favorite white dress. 
   
   I also don’t mind using a pad as a backup when wearing a tampon on some days, and on more than one occasion, I’ve been glad that I did. 
   
   

9. Wear an apron.
   I’ve preferred cooking in an apron for years; to me, it’s just more comfortable and practical than not. (And aprons typically have pockets!!) I will also put an apron on when doing dishes after a meal, or when mixing drinks — activities that have a fairly high potential for splashing/staining.
   
   

10. Treat stains right away, and treat them often.
    I’m pretty dogged when it comes to getting stains out. (Related: my two favorite stain removers.) One example: Last fall, I went to a work event where we were given red “admit one” drink tickets. I left one in the back pocket of my white Levi’s, and then later put the jeans through the wash. When I pulled the jeans out of the washing machine, it looked like a tube of lipstick had been smashed in the pocket. Levi’s had stopped selling the jeans (and they were fairly expensive to begin with) so I extra committed to getting the stain out. It took a couple weeks of a cycle of treating the spot, letting the treatment sit, and washing the jeans in cold water before the stain finally let up enough to be able to wear them again. (I actually gave up when it was about 90% there, and it surprised me by coming the final 10% of the way in the subsequent weeks.) 
    
    Getting a stain out of fabric is sort of a fun challenge to me at this point, but I actually don’t think you need to be that aggressive about stains (more on that in a second). That said, I think a lot of people don’t try very hard, or at all — they toss the item in the laundry and wash it with hot water without treating it first, or they give the stain a bunch of time to set before they bother treating it, and then feel like, Welp, I just suck at laundry and wearing white. So I think it’s important to know how to treat stains and to own the tools to do so. Treat them as well as you can, as soon as you can, and give it your best shot.
    
     

11. But also…make peace with stains!
    I long ago just sort of accepted that spills and stains are a part of life, and that trying to prevent them or remove every trace of them is an exercise in futility. That’s why I eventually gave up when the Levi’s were most of the way there; the main reason I kept at it in that case was that the pants were pretty unwearable, and I want to avoid getting rid of/replacing stuff as much as possible. 
    
    That said, I don’t really take stains personally, and I think that’s important. Spilling something on yourself doesn’t make you clumsy or “not an adult,” and wearing something that has a spot on it isn’t that big of a deal. I know this because I continue to wear clothes that have tiny spots/stains that I am very aware of, and people still always ask me how I keep my white stuff so clean.
    

I’ll leave you with some advice from Cheryl Mendelson, who offered advice in Home Comforts that I’ve really taken to heart: “If a beautiful object has a tiny flaw, some people do not notice it and others notice nothing else. In dealing with stains, the most important skill you can acquire is the ability not to be bothered by small imperfections that you cannot fix. … Stains are not dirt; they are inadvertent dyeings. While dirt should continue to arouse your fighting spirit, it is perfectly all right to surrender to insignificant stains.” ✨

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An ode to my two favorite stain removers

Look, I’m not trying to make enemies in the laundry industry, but when it comes to stain treatment, I think T*de pens are very much a scam. As my coworker recently said, they offer the illusion of preparedness, and not much else. As a lover of white clothes and bedding, I swear by two other products: OxiClean stain remover spray and Spray ‘n Wash sticks.

I have only had a handful of Major Incidents with regard to white fabric. The fist time it happened, I had just gotten brand-new white flannel sheets and a cozy white cotton blanket for my bed. Washing all of these items before using them is a task in NYC, and I was thrilled to finally have them on my bed because my apartment was very cold.

The first night I slept on them, I woke up feeling great. And also like my face was…wet? I was sitting up in bed when I touched my nose, and then looked down at my hand and realized I had my first-ever bloody nose. A beat later, basically in slow motion, I watched big, fat crimson blood drops fall from my face and land on the fitted sheet, top sheet, and blanket. Every single component of the bedding was hit.

Luckily enough, I had just read Home Comforts, where I had learned that you should use an enzyme-based cleaner on organic and protein-based stains, and I had — after realizing that I didn’t own an enzyme cleaner — ordered some OxiClean spray, which was now sitting in my closet. So I stripped my bed, while feeling pretty certain that my sheets and blanket were going to be forever marred by this. I made peace with that, but I treated them with the Oxi, let them soak in cold water, and then rinsed them… and the stains completely disappeared. 

I was sold.

The second Major Incident happened at work. A visitor to the BuzzFeed office got in the down elevator with me on the 16th floor; she was carrying a lidless travel cup of coffee, and when the elevator stopped on my floor, she thought we had reached the lobby. She stepped out, realized her mistake, went to turn around to get back on the elevator, and was startled by my presence right behind her. She jolted, THROWING her coffee all over my white jeans in the process.

Looking at the fist-sized stain on my thigh, I knew what I had to do: marched to the CVS across the street from my office, bought a big bottle of Oxi spray, went to the single-stall bathroom, stripped off my Bean boots, the socks my jeans were tucked into, and jeans; treated the stain with the Oxi; and then rinsed everything out in the sink. Despite the fact that my jeans were very wet — it looked like I’d pissed myself — the stain was basically gone.

So, yes, I’m an OxiClean stan; it works great for everything, generally speaking. However, I’ve recently added the Spray ‘n Wash stick to my toolkit; I discovered it via my girlfriend, and was pleasantly surprised by how effective it is. It even got a faint coffee stain that was years old and that I’d simply given up on out of a beloved white dress. I’ve used it on other smaller stains (grease, food, even other blood drops) and it’s worked well every time.

I now go between the two, depending on the stain, and strongly recommend having both around! The Spray ‘n Wash is small and won’t leak — despite the name, it’s not a spray at all, but a waxy deodorant-esque stick ‚ so it’s a good one to keep it in your desk/bag/locker. (I’ve also used the OxiClean gel stick, and while I think it’s fine, I ultimately prefer the spray…but to each their own!)

Regardless of which you choose, you can definitely be done with T*de pens once and for all.

Get everything from Amazon: a pack of three Spray ‘n Wash sticks for $10.86, a three-pack of OxiClean spray for $16.90, and Home Comforts for $13.59.

Related: How to wear white clothes year-round without completely ruining them. 💦

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Cozy potluck ideas

This weekend, I had some friends over to my apartment for a potluck. I didn’t call this gathering a Friendsgiving because I didn’t want to give anyone the impression that I would be making a turkey (absolutely no), or imply that they should limit themselves to bringing Thanksgiving sides.

I’ve never been a big fan of Thanksgiving. This is due in large part to the fact that no one ever really bothers to make it fancy, which I don’t understand. Like, what is the point of a holiday if there isn’t cozy lights, a little sparkle, and an on-theme outfit???? (This doesn’t just apply to the end of year hols; it also includes Valentine’s Day, Halloween, and the 4th of July.) Give me a bougie Williams-Sonoma catalog party or nothing at all!!! I also just don’t like Thanksgiving food very much. It’s a lot of work/stress/money for not a lot of payoff, imo.

Anyway, the potluck went great! My mantra when thinking about this gathering was “do less.” I have a tendency to go overboard with stuff like this, and I wanted this dinner to be easy and fun without too much fuss or expense. Or, put another way, mood over food.

Food & drink

I made The Kitchn’s baked ziti, which I also made for a cozy winter party last January. It’s easy, inexpensive, delicious, and feeds a lot of people. It’s also so practical. It can be made it advance, so you still have plenty of time to do the dishes and clean your kitchen before anyone arrives.

I also made Alison Roman’s labneh dip, which was a hit. I doubled it, and I’m glad I did. I also waited until right before the party to assemble the dip/add the oil (which I’d made in the morning) — I was able to get a nicer presentation that way.

My girlfriend made the apple cider spritzes from my friend Jess’s blog. I always love Jess’s cocktail recipes, and these were no exception. Would recommend/make again!

Everyone’s potluck contributions were great. In terms of recipes, there was a broccoli rubble farro salad (love Smitten Kitchen), a cheesy Hasselback potato gratin (gorgeous and delicious), and leeks in vinaigrette (the unexpected hit of the night).

Decorations

Because I was committed to doing less, I scrapped my initial plan to go to Michaels and/or Party City; the bulk of my energy went to finding a tablecloth online. (Two tablecoths, actually — I decided to set up a folding table my girlfriend bought this summer in my dining room for food and move my actual dining room table into my living room, a setup that worked out very well. In general, I’m a fan of rearranging furniture to make a party work better in a small space.) Because the tables were kind of It, I wanted a really cool and special tablecloth and…turns out, that doesn’t really exist for Thanksgiving!

I ended up going with two gray buffalo check tablecloths ($22.99+ each on Amazon), a dozen mini white pumpkins ($24.89 on Amazon), and two bouquets of flowers from BoHaus. (Tiny bonus tip: go for a floral arrangement with eucalyptus; not only does it look great/dramatic, it smells wonderful.)

Anyway, that turned out to be all I needed! Everything else was just stuff I already owned. One of my favorite things about holidays/hosting is going through the cabinet where I keep all my fancy wares and being surprised/delighted by what’s in there. I’ve acquired a lot of different items (cloth napkins, bottle openers, cheese boards, serving ware) over time, and faithfully sticking to neutrals + metallics for years means I rarely have to worry about the specific items I need matching/working for a given occasion. You really can’t go wrong buying dishes or oven-to-table items in white. (Also, if you stick to white, you can use regular bowls and plates as serving dishes as needed and still have it look cohesive. I also think it’s easier to decorate on a small budget this way.)

If you want something a little more festive, I think tree/branch/wood motifs in white/silver and/or stripes in black/gray/cream/green are the way to go because they work for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s.

Also! It pays to hoard good finds from the Target dollar section until the moment you need them. I have no idea when exactly I purchased two packs of dessert plates with a copper foil autumn leaf pattern on them—I thiiiink maybe 2017???—but I was very grateful to Past Me when I found them! The fabric pumpkins I mixed in with the new ones fro Amazon also came from Target several years ago.

Things I would do differently next time

• Start at 5 p.m. instead of 4.

• Buy bigger cups. (This was the one downside of not going to Party City.)

• Make the ziti the night before instead of the morning of.

• Move my kitchen trash can into my dining room for convenience.

• Decorate with/incorporate twinkle lights.

• Take more photos. ✨

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Should you happen to find yourself spinning out, try cleaning your bathroom

Image: Bernard Hermant / Unsplash

Whenever I find myself pacing around my apartment and kind of spiraling, dealing with a brain-on-fire situation — when I’m overwhelmed and I know I should do something but I can’t decide what it should be so I’m doing nothing and everything all at once — I’ve gotten in the habit of just…cleaning my bathroom. Like, I don’t overthink it; I just go and do it. And 15-20 minutes later (which is about how long it takes me to clean my bathroom, despite what I might tell myself when I’m avoiding doing it), my sink is sparkling and I feel so much better.

Why is cleaning the bathroom the perfect activity in these moments? I think it’s because it tends to be a relatively quick and contained chore — unlike, say, cleaning your closet, which you’ll start with the best of intentions and then somehow spend $75 ordering hangers online before falling asleep on piles of clothes — BUT it’s just long enough to distract you and redirect your energy, to get the headspace required to make a decision, to gain a sense of accomplishment, and to basically press the reset button in a panic moment. And because it’s one area of your home that could pretty much always benefit from a little cleaning! 🛁

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